Create your driver to change

When I first meet a couple in trouble, in their first session with me, I am frequently told by one or both that "It's all the his/her fault" "I would never behave the way he/she has" "I would never do what he/she did" "He/she is never going to change so what's the point" "It's their way or no way" The problem with remaining in this place is there is very little possibility of resolving the issues.  Their focus is on what is wrong.  Their perception is that nothing will change so of … [Read more...]

Many couples don’t know how to hear each other

Many couples I see have totally misunderstood their partner's words and actions and when they do attempt to sit down and talk it through exacerbate the problems by failing to hear what their partner is actually saying.  Why? Men and women communicate in different ways.  You could almost say they have a different language.  This is confusing because they are using words which each understand but the meaning behind those words is frequently very different. From this place of pain, for both, … [Read more...]

Loss of confidence can kill a marriage

Loss of confidence can have a devastating effect on a relationship or marriage.  You feel stuck not knowing what to do to resolve your problems. For many men this can lead to feelings of frustration and anger, to the point they close down and 'walk away' from the problems.  You see most men want to fix.   They see fixing as their purpose.  So not being able to fix is a really horrible place to be. They become angry - not necessarily because of the problems but because they don't know how to … [Read more...]

Learn to understand your emotions

One of the skills successful couples have learnt is to understand their emotions and see they are there for a reason.  They have learnt to respond positively to each other's emotions - whatever they are. Emotions are information. So what do I mean.  Well they are very useful.  Some are there to keep us safe - fear for example.  Fear is very useful when in a dangerous situation.  It can cause us to run or fight or take extra care. However we can also 'over-respond'  or become locked in … [Read more...]

A Challenge for the New Year!

Now that the New Year is well and truly under-way I thought I would set a challenge for all those who are experiencing problems in their relationship. You see 'life' can get in the way.  Work, children, hobbies; all have an effect on how we behave and these behaviours can take over in our lives and we can end up forgetting about our partner. If this goes on for a prolonged length of time then one or both of you can feel ignored, side-lined, unimportant and so not significant in your … [Read more...]