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I am at a loss to know how to make my partner happy

I see many couples in my sessions where one or both of them tell me they don't know how to make their partner happy. They still care deeply for each other but they are failing to connect. I hear the statement "I've done everything I can...." incredibly often. My response to them is "I am sure you have. But maybe you've missed the thing that worked". Each of us has a unique set of needs and a unique way for those needs to be met.  Unless we are aware of those needs at a conscious … [Read more...]

Change your response

How often do you respond in a predicable way to your partner?  If you have problems then in all likelihood you have created a response which is not that positive.  I want you to consider breaking your usual response to a situation or comment. Firstly I want you to  think about how you usually react to something your partner says or does. In this case I want you to think of a negative response.  Perhaps you get defensive, angry or irritated to something they say or do.  Now instead of reacting … [Read more...]

Beliefs are frequently built on feelings – this may not be knowledge

When a marriage or relationship is failing the two people involved are often not in the same place at the same time.  What do I mean by this?  Well one person may have decided they no longer love their partner, whilst the other is still feeling a strong emotional bond. For the one who is still feeling close they believe that the relationship can survive.  The one who believes the relationship is dead can now withdraw even more.  Why? Well there are many reasons.  A common one is they don't … [Read more...]

Before you head for the exit ……

Before you head for the exit and decide your relationship is dead be sure you are taking that decision from the right place. So what do I mean by that? Someone once said "A decision made from fear is always the wrong decision". Fear that: life won't change if you stay the other person will never understand you you can't fix the issues nothing will change... There are many many more. When life feels wrong the question of what to do next is probably one that occupies … [Read more...]

How do you keep a relationship passionate?

Today's post applies to those couples who are struggling to keep their relationship passionate and connected at a deep level. I see so many couples in my sessions where one or both of them have retreated into themselves.  They have created a method of 'coping' with life and their relationship.  It's not particularly great but it can feel OK!  Even safe! For those for whom the situation is worse than this, some will have changed their entire personality to deal with the day-to-day … [Read more...]