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Your emotional focus will affect your relationship

Today I want you to think about how you approach different aspects of your day and your life.  Your emotional focus. We all know if we turn up to work in a bad mood then mostly we will have a miserable day.  The day drags and parts of it can feel irritating!   A negative focus can give us a negative day. How do you approach your relationship? The same applies to your relationship.  If your focus is all about what is wrong with it you will spot the negatives.  The problem with this is it … [Read more...]

Some couples are unkind to each other

Some of the couples who seek my help have created a dynamic which is unkind.  They say unkind words and behave in unkind ways to each other and in some way expect this to give them a good future.  Of course, they know it isn't working but they don't know how to stop. My question to them is What does being unkind give you? Most people are kind. When you first met your partner you both spent your time being kind to each other.  That and the chemistry that sparked you both to connect resulted … [Read more...]

Is your blueprint for life giving you what you want?

Most of us will have created our vision of how life should be.  However, problems arise when life isn't the way we believe it should be.  When it doesn't match our vision; a vision created, in some cases, many years before.  Call this a blueprint if you like. When this happens you have several choices: Fight for your Blueprint You can fight to change reality to match your vision.    If your partner is not behaving in the ways you believe they should then one way to get your blueprint vision … [Read more...]

To admit you need help is a good thing

So many couples leave seeking help until it's almost too late. Frequently many don't want to admit to each other that they don't have the answers. We believe that we should be able to resolve our issues ourselves. This is all well and good if you can.  But what happens if you don't have the tools to do so?  Attempting to solve your problems from the wrong place can often make matters worse. On Friday this week there was an article in the Daily Telegraph headed "Michelle is right, we all … [Read more...]

When did you last flirt with your partner?

Yes I do mean it.  When did you last flirt with your partner? You see when we meet someone we are attracted to we go out and out to encourage them.  This will include flirting! Couples in crisis have often not only forgotten what attracted them to their partner in the first place but, in many cases, have forgotten how to attract each other. Life gets in the way.  Jobs, children, chores......  the list is a long one.  In the midst of this are two people who are valiantly working at … [Read more...]