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Couples in crisis can be unaware of the emotional cost of divorce

Couples in crisis need to take action fast. Time is not on their side. One or both of you will be creating coping strategies, or to put it another way patterns of behaviour to protect yourselves from more pain or from acknowledging the truth. By this I mean the truth that there needs to be new action. This works both ways – for the one who believes that it isn’t that bad and for the partner who believes there is no hope for a fulfilling future together. One of the costs of divorce is not … [Read more...]

My partner doesn’t believe in getting help

Sometimes one partner is not ready to get help with their marriage or relationship issues. If this is you and your partner doesn't want to attend a session with me then don't worry, it can be extremely helpful to attend on your own. By learning how men and women work differently and use different language styles you will have new ways to interact with your partner.  This will create new responses and, in many cases, solve the issues. Or it can help create curiosity for the other partner … [Read more...]

Change your response

How often do you respond in a predicable way to your partner?  If you have problems then in all likelihood you have created a response which is not that positive.  I want you to consider breaking your usual response to a situation or comment. Firstly I want you to  think about how you usually react to something your partner says or does. In this case I want you to think of a negative response.  Perhaps you get defensive, angry or irritated to something they say or do.  Now instead of reacting … [Read more...]

Have you both taken responsibility for how you communicate?

Time and time again I am told by couples who come to me for help that they don't talk any more, and by that they actually mean they may talk but they are not reaching each other - they don't communicate.  One or both of them tells me they feel at a loss on how to be understood.  Some tell me they don't even feel heard by their partner. Communication is a complex field This may come as a big surprise to you.  Communication can be a minefield of misunderstanding.  Why? Well to start with men … [Read more...]

Will Coaching Save My Marriage?

In today's post I will address the question I am frequently asked:  "Will coaching save my marriage?" By the way this applies to any long-term relationship - not just those who are married. Rather than answer with a straight yes or no I will discuss this in more depth. Does coaching always bring a couple back together?  Not always.   It doesn't work if the couple being coached are not willing to explore and learn new behaviours. It won't work if the relationship is not supposed to … [Read more...]