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Successful couples are doing this

Why do some couples succeed and others fail?  This is a question I am frequently asked by couples in my sessions.  Here are some examples of what successful couples are doing. Successful couples are doing this..... They have: Learnt and then practised being open with each other.  Even in times of stress. Never assumed their interpretation of the situation and how they feel is the same as their partner's. Avoided blaming each other. Made giving love more important than being … [Read more...]

You can’t expect your partner to think the way you do

For today's post I want you to think about how you communicate with your partner.  You see your partner will not think the way you do.   They won't know how you think either. As a result they won't communicate the way you do.  Especially in times of stress.  We are all individuals and each and every one of us has our own way of communicating anxiety, stress and upsets. Some people will go quiet.  Others will shout.  Some will giggle nervously!  We are all different.  We have all learnt how to … [Read more...]

Taking responsibility is key to your future

When your marriage (or relationship) is in crisis it can feel almost impossible not to blame your partner for the feelings you have right now. This is especially true if your partner's behaviour seems irrational, out of control or overpowering. Blame is, in many ways, a method of keeping us feeling safe and validating our right to feel the way we do, but it also avoids taking responsibility for ourselves. What does blaming and avoiding responsibility give you? It gives you … [Read more...]

Are you sure you understand what your partner is saying?

My post today is all about questioning the messages you believe you hear from your partner. In times of difficulty, are you sure you understand what your partner is actually saying? Or are you missing their real message? When a relationship is in turmoil or suffering it is so easy to misinterpret what you hear. Our brains create meaning based on past information and learned responses. It's how we make sense of the world. It's how we keep ourselves safe. However, the issue here is - your … [Read more...]

I am at a loss to know how to make my partner happy

I see many couples in my sessions where one or both of them tell me they don't know how to make their partner happy. They still care deeply for each other but they are failing to connect. I hear the statement "I've done everything I can...." incredibly often. My response to them is "I am sure you have. But maybe you've missed the thing that worked". Each of us has a unique set of needs and a unique way for those needs to be met.  Unless we are aware of those needs at a conscious … [Read more...]