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Many couples fail to understand each other

Many couples fail to understand each other's language patterns and styles and as a result, fall into a trap. Couples and individuals, who attend sessions with me, are failing to communicate in a way the other understands.  Some believe they are communicating well but are actually misinterpreting each other's requests to connect.  This disconnection is scary and one or both of you can feel isolated. By failing to understand each other you can create a belief that your relationship has … [Read more...]

Couples who succeed know how to give

Couples who succeed have discovered how to give to their partner in the way their partner needs. Be courageous Couples who succeed have learnt to be truthful and to give love no matter what.  During difficult and painful times they know how to be totally present for their partner. To be fully present you need to focus on them completely.  This means you don't resort to criticism and you don't reject them.  You seek to understand them from their point of view.  By creating this area of … [Read more...]

When trust is an issue – how do you solve your problem?

Time and time again couples tell me they no longer trust their partner. Trust has many meanings in a relationship. Do I trust my partner to be honest and faithful? Can I trust them to be there for me come what may? Do I trust them to understand me? When your relationship is in crisis time and again one or both of you are likely to talk about a lack of trust. My question to you today is: "Do you trust how you're feeling right now?" If a person feels bad in a relationship, … [Read more...]

Are your beliefs and destructive behaviours leading you to divorce

There are many challenges couples face in times of crisis.  Many are linked to each believing their interpretataion is the truth and no other view is possible.  On top of this it is very common for each of them to have created a protection mechanism to survive.  This can include, withholding love,  defensiveness and justification, and destructive behaviours to keep themselves emotionally safe. Let me give you some examples My partner wants to hurt me Yes, they might say hurtful things … [Read more...]

You can’t make your partner change

So often I am contacted by someone who wants me to 'make their partner change'.    I can't do this!  And you can't make your partner change either. No-one can.  They are the only one who can do that. What I can do is help the individual find out their part in the crisis and then help them. This frequently has the result they desire. Why? Well if you change your behaviour and the way you respond to a difficult situation then your partner will very likely respond differently. By taking … [Read more...]