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Interpretation is key

How we interpret any message is key.  Key to how we respond and key to how we feel.  The issue here is what we interpret may not be true. For example, a person who has grown up in a family where raising your voice is the way to receive acknowledgement will, in all likelihood, create a method of communication where this is used.  If your partner understands this then they have more choices on how they respond.  If they don't and expect you to communicate in their style (the style they created … [Read more...]

Learn how to tell your partner what you need

Time and again I hear from one or both people in a relationship crisis that they've done all the giving and their partner has only taken.  I am told they've tried everything and now they're fed up with being taken for granted.  They feel unappreciated, unloved and misunderstood.  The trust has gone and now the relationship is dying - fast. Arguments flare in a series of seemingly inconsequential, incidents.  You both become angry and defensive and confused by the emotional responses of the … [Read more...]

Do you know your partner’s true intent?

So many people I see are not in control of their emotional responses.  They react to an event because they have created an automatic response to it.  They don't know how to find out the truth.  The truth of why they behave the way they do or why their partner is behaving the way they are.  In the case of their partner - what is their true intent? Because they don't know they create a 'story' to validate their emotional response. So when their partner gets cross, frustrated or angry they … [Read more...]

I know who my partner is!

I've been going through the archives of posts on this website and came across this today.  It is as relevant now as it was 5 years ago. I know who my partner is Many couples I see have a preconceived view of their partner's intentions and behaviours.  They've ended up in crisis and now they've made some key decisions which have left them stuck and unable to move forward. Preconceptions affect our lives, often in very ugly ways.  This can seriously affect our judgement of someone.  A … [Read more...]

Walking away from emotional pain may not be the answer

If you are in a relationship which is going wrong you can feel very lonely indeed.  The emotional pain can be intense and the wish to walk away incredibly strong.  To be clear - if you are being physically attacked then get out fast.  For this post I am talking about emotional disconnect. Emotional pain is there for a reason.  It's a signal to stop doing something. In a relationship, emotional pain or hurt can feel physical.  The wish to escape and so remove the pain can feel … [Read more...]