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The importance on NOT winning

In today's post I will look at the importance of not winning.  So what do I mean by that? So often in times of conflict in a relationship one partner makes winning their goal.  This objective can be so strong that the other ends up capitulating just to get some peace!  By the way this applies to both men and women. Over time this will have a very detrimental effect on the relationship. For the winner The "winner" can become: arrogant cold towards their partner a bully … [Read more...]

Your behaviours could be ruining your relationship

We all have behaviours which we have created and developed over the years by the experiences life has given us.  These probably started in childhood and added to over the years to where we are today. These behaviours will have been designed, without us really knowing, to, in some cases, protect us from issues or pain.  Others will have been created to give us what we believe we need or want. The problem is that some of these habits and beliefs is they may not be serving us in the best … [Read more...]

Divorce is more painful than most people realise – find out how to avoid it

January is notorious for people seeking divorce. The arrival of a new year can concentrate the mind on the future. If your relationship is suffering then it may be that all you can see in front of you is pain. Pain that you won't be understood - ever That you're not important to your partner You are not loved in the way you need More endless arguments that go nowhere A future looks bleak - at best Couples in relationship crisis do not have time on their side. Action is … [Read more...]

Are you withholding the one thing you want?

When a couple is in crisis it is highly likely that one or both of them will have created behaviours to protect themselves from emotional pain. For couples who come to see me my role is to help them see what they are doing to themselves, to each other, and so to their relationship. So my question to you today is "Are you withholding the one thing you want?" For instance if Kindness is important to you but you are now not being kind to your partner then you are breaking your belief in … [Read more...]

What happens when your energy is focussed on avoiding pain

We are designed to avoid pain.  Therefore very often we focus our energy on this one important aspect of our lives.  Avoid pain whenever possible. The problem with this, within a relationship, is we forget about gaining pleasure. Many people in pain will do anything to avoid more.  This is quite understandable.  Their actions though can be destructive.  Their behaviours can change drastically as they close themselves down to 'keep themselves from feeling more pain'.  This stops them from … [Read more...]