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Do You Set Yourself Up for Failure or Success?

Whether you set yourself up for failure or success is surprisingly easy. (And you may not know you're doing it).  You may think you are determined to succeed only to find you let yourself down.  The question is what's going on within you to cause you to fail when you believe, consciously, that your desire is to succeed? Couples I see in my sessions work hard to achieve success with each other.  They practice the tools and strategies I give them.  They commit in a heartfelt way to continue … [Read more...]

How to turn a Crisis into an Opportunity

Sometimes it takes a crisis to actually push someone to take action.  It's so easy to sit back and presume life will be OK.  This option disappears when one partner becomes so alienated that they decide to leave. So how do you turn a crisis into an opportunity? First of all let's discuss the crisis. The crisis will be different and unique to each couple.  However there are similarities.  Typically couples in a marriage which is failing tend to bring out the worst in each other.  Each will … [Read more...]

Do you seek justice rather than accept love?

Today I'm posing the question "Do you seek justice rather than accept love?" This may seem an odd question to some reading this but there is a good reason I'm asking you. So often in life we seek justice and by that I don't mean revenge.   Yes if we've been wronged this is understandable and needs to be resolved. But this is not what I'm talking about here. Justice can enter our lives in insidious ways which we take for granted and frequently don't even notice consciously. Let me … [Read more...]

Love is not about Control

Many couples who come to see me looking for answers to their relationship problems complain that one of them has assumed control.  Again and again I hear one say that they feel controlled by the other. This applies to both men and women - so it is by no means the norm these days to hear the woman say she is being controlled by her man. Love is not about Control On the contrary it's about freedom and enjoying each other's differences and appreciating each other's strengths.  It's learning to … [Read more...]

Is a lack of polarity killing your relationship?

Many couples who come to my sessions are looking for reasons as to why they no longer feel passionate about each other. Many tell me they love and care for each other deeply but they feel the loss of intimacy and the closeness they had when they first met.  They will even justify their feelings as, for example, due to work commitments; busy with children who take up all their time and energy; the belief held by so many that passion dies with time and most marriages end up with the partners … [Read more...]