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Turn your fear into a driver for change

When a relationship is in trouble one or both individuals will often be experiencing fear or anxiety. That fear of not knowing what to do or how to fix the problems. This can result in the person either becoming angry, over controlling, demanding or withdrawing and becoming sullen, unresponsive or defensive. All these emotions are creating a version of themselves designed to move them away from their emotional pain.  But by doing this they are creating a version of themselves which is not … [Read more...]

Which is running you, fear or courage

Which is running you - Fear or Courage? Today I want to give you some pointers which could well be affecting your relationship, so I'm asking you the question: You see when we feel we aren't getting what we want from our relationship, and by this I mean a relationship which has been successful in the past, then our emotions can run riot and confuse us.  A feeling of loss and not knowing what to do can leave a person stuck and numb.  However at a deeper level one of two basic emotions can … [Read more...]

Fear can hold you back

Many couples who come to my sessions are living in fear.  Fear that whatever they try, nothing will change.  Fear that if they do take action then life will get worse. Fear of the risks involved in taking steps. What all these couples have in common is they're stuck. They've created scenarios for themselves which give them pictures of a bleak future.  Of course none of these imagined futures are true. Many also believe that if they do nothing then nothing will change and life as it is … [Read more...]

Is fear paralysing your decision making?

When things are going wrong in a marriage or relationship it is so easy to end up in a state of paralysis.  So easy to be so scared of doing the wrong thing, or making the wrong decision, that we end up doing nothing at all. Of course doing nothing isn't going to solve the problem.  So this adds to the anxiety and stress.  Now the person is in a real dilemma.  Frequently, at this stage, they feel there are only two active options open to them.  These could be "Fight or Flight", … [Read more...]

Is fear destroying your relationship?

Fear can turn a normally loving person into someone totally different.  They can start behaving in ways they've never behaved before and not how they would normally act. Gone is the loving, kind and gentle person you knew and now you're faced with someone you don't recognise. If your relationship is having problems then one or both of you is probably scared. Being scared is also being in fear Fear of so many things - especially the future.  To protect yourself emotionally you may just … [Read more...]