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Learn to understand your emotions

One of the skills successful couples have learnt is to understand their emotions and see they are there for a reason.  They have learnt to respond positively to each other's emotions - whatever they are. Emotions are information. So what do I mean.  Well they are very useful.  Some are there to keep us safe - fear for example.  Fear is very useful when in a dangerous situation.  It can cause us to run or fight or take extra care. However we can also 'over-respond'  or become locked in … [Read more...]

Things ain’t what they used to be…

When you look back at the start of your relationship you will probably remember how wonderful you felt and how amazing your partner was.  Nothing could possibly go wrong.  And yet maybe for some of you reading this post the statement that comes to mind is Things ain't what they used to be Where did it all go wrong.  Why do one or both of you now feel so differently.  Some people will tell you that feelings change with time and you cannot expect to feel the same as you did then.  Inferring that … [Read more...]

You can become master of your emotions

So many people I see are not actually mastering their emotional responses to their partner.  They react to an event because they have created an automatic response to it.  They don't bother - or don't know how - to find out the truth. So when their partner gets cross, frustrated or angry they defend or escalate the issue by getting angry as well. This can then escalate as both become more emotional in their responses to each other.  They learn to bicker.  It's immature, even childish, and … [Read more...]

Are you in charge of your emotions?

My question to you today is "Are you in charge of your emotions?".  Many of my clients respond "Yes" when I ask them this!  And quite understandably they believe they are. But we create our emotions based on our interpretation of events.  Frequently this can be a 'knee-jerk' reaction to something someone has said or done and without any clue of their intention behind their words or actions. So are you absolutely sure of their true intent? Many couples do not take time to find out the … [Read more...]

What do you value in your life?

Today I want you to think about what you value in life.  By value I want you to think about emotional needs. You see there's a massive difference between a person who, say,  values Security as their number one value and a person who values Adventure as their number one value. For example, a person - whose number one value is Security - sits down in a conference hall with several hundred other people next to someone whose number one value is Adventure.  Which one will know where every exit … [Read more...]