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Are your beliefs and destructive behaviours leading you to divorce

There are many challenges couples face in times of crisis.  Many are linked to each believing their interpretataion is the truth and no other view is possible.  On top of this it is very common for each of them to have created a protection mechanism to survive.  This can include, withholding love,  defensiveness and justification, and destructive behaviours to keep themselves emotionally safe. Let me give you some examples My partner wants to hurt me Yes, they might say hurtful things … [Read more...]

You can’t make your partner change

So often I am contacted by someone who wants me to 'make their partner change'.    I can't do this!  And you can't make your partner change either. No-one can.  They are the only one who can do that. What I can do is help the individual find out their part in the crisis and then help them. This frequently has the result they desire. Why? Well if you change your behaviour and the way you respond to a difficult situation then your partner will very likely respond differently. By taking … [Read more...]

Successful couples are doing this

Why do some couples succeed and others fail?  This is a question I am frequently asked by couples in my sessions.  Here are some examples of what successful couples are doing. Successful couples are doing this..... They have: Learnt and then practised being open with each other.  Even in times of stress. Never assumed their interpretation of the situation and how they feel is the same as their partner's. Avoided blaming each other. Made giving love more important than being … [Read more...]

Taking responsibility is key to your future

When your marriage (or relationship) is in crisis it can feel almost impossible not to blame your partner for the feelings you have right now. This is especially true if your partner's behaviour seems irrational, out of control or overpowering. Blame is, in many ways, a method of keeping us feeling safe and validating our right to feel the way we do, but it also avoids taking responsibility for ourselves. What does blaming and avoiding responsibility give you? It gives you … [Read more...]

Are you in the right place to solve your current problems?

When couples meet and fall in love they are essentially in 'marketing mode'. Each person is running the best version of themselves so the person they are attracted to sees all the good in them. Both of you are meeting each other's needs and together you create a wonderful chemistry. Over time various life events happen. Children, job changes, new hobbies and unless we keep connected then the relationship can suffer. Both men and women can start to run different versions of themselves at … [Read more...]