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What happens when your energy is focussed on avoiding pain

We are designed to avoid pain.  Therefore very often we focus our energy on this one important aspect of our lives.  Avoid pain whenever possible. The problem with this, within a relationship, is we forget about gaining pleasure. Many people in pain will do anything to avoid more.  This is … [Read more...]

Who Taught you about Relationships?

We learn from those around us and those trained to teach us.  From our teachers in our early years we learnt how to read, write, and add up etc We also learnt from others around us.  Our parents.  The parents of our friends.  Our friends. We continue to learn every day.  Be it when we take up … [Read more...]

How do you get from pain to happiness

One of the frequent questions I get asked by couples is how do we get from pain to happiness.  What did we do to end up here? I see many couples and individuals who tell me one thing only to focus on the opposite. "I want to be closer to my partner" "I want to let go of the pain" "I want … [Read more...]

All relationships need growth

In today's post I want you to think about this question: Have you planned for future growth? What does your future look like for you? By this I mean your future with your partner.  Your future in your relationship. Do you have a dream for your future? When you first got together did you have a … [Read more...]

Why raking over the past is not a good idea

A number of clients who seek my help arrive wanting to go over and over what's happened in the past - sometimes in minute detail.  What has happened is important but repeatedly raking over past arguments or other negative events will only trigger the emotions you felt at the time. We all attach … [Read more...]