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From disconnection to reconnection

Couples can easily get lost in their relationship.  If you do not feel valued within it then you will feel disconnected from it.  We all need to feel connected. When you feel your relationship is not working you will look to meet that connection elsewhere.  This is what happened to this couple.  In their case in the form of an affair. Affairs rarely solve the issues.  However by learning why the affair happened this couple turned their relationship around and learned how not only to reconnect … [Read more...]

Are your behaviours designed to attract your partner?

My question to you today is are you creating behaviours within you which will attract your partner? You see when you first meet you are!  In the beginning, you are in 'marketing mode'.  You want your partner to be attracted to you and so you create behaviours which will attract. You fall in love and believe that now nothing can possibly go wrong.  Well, actually you are wrong. Life can get in the way and behaviours can easily change What do I mean by life? Jobs Hobbies … [Read more...]

Intimacy dies over time – fact or fiction?

Many people believe that intimacy dies over time.  My question is who told you?  Yes, it can die over time - but it doesn't have to. Time is not necessarily the issue.  It's how your dynamic with your partner has changed from when you first met.  This is the responsibility of both of you. Time and again I hear from couples who seek my help that they have become friends rather than lovers.  The sexual connection has died and one or both feel they are now living with their best … [Read more...]

Fear of rejection can stifle connection

Couples in crisis often find communication difficult and when this happens connection with each other is stifled.  This, of course, makes matters worse rather than better.  One or both of you will withdraw because you are scared of being rejected.  Being fearful is a very strong human emotion which will trigger to stop you doing something stupid.  This works well when standing on a cliff edge - you will back away to keep yourself safe. It isn't helpful in a relationship! Tread carefully or … [Read more...]

Couples can inadvertently set themselves up to fail

Many couples arriving for their first session with me have developed a relationship together which, without them realising it, has set them up to fail. Each has collected information over the years on past actions by their partner which has given them lots of examples of failure. Now their focus is on failure. By focusing on failure they are ignoring any opportunities for success. Why want to fail? It is important to understand what's going on for each individual. Why should failure take … [Read more...]