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Are you being misunderstood?

How we interpret someone else's words or actions is down to each and everyone of us.  The problem is that it is very easy to be misunderstood without realising it's happening. In today's post I want you to think about how you interpret your partner's words and actions.  You see it is very important that you truly understand what they mean rather than create your own interpretation.  You need to interpret what they mean rather than what you think they mean. There can be a world of difference … [Read more...]

One reason why couples fail each other

One reason why couples fail each other is they fail to listen to the underlying request when one of them is in emotional pain. The emotional pain may show itself in frustration, anger, irritation and even emotions like disdain and being patronising or condescending.  I've only mentioned a few. Having failed to listen or become curious about the underlying request they can respond in many equally negative ways.  Now an argument can flare or worse - each person retreats believing some form … [Read more...]

My Partner Doesn’t Understand Me

How often have I heard that statement.  Clients come to see me with "My Partner Doesn't Understand Me" as their focus on their relationship. They tell me they feel they've been banging their head against a brick wall and don't feel heard, understood or noticed. The problem is we each have a unique view of the world and our understanding of it.  The only way we can make sense of the world is to call on our resources and 'make a match' to a similar or past event - or, when this isn't … [Read more...]

Are you sure you know your Partner’s Intent?

If you want to be sure you understand your partner and to be sure you know your partner's intent then learning how to listen to learn is vital. So often we create a meaning from what we hear that is far removed from the meaning the person intended.  We don't question our understandings so can totally miss the intent of our partner. A good start point is to commit to the belief that your partner's intent is not to hurt you. The words may seem hurtful. Even the demeanour and tone of voice may … [Read more...]

Become curious

One of the great communication skills you can develop is to become curious about what your partner likes and enjoys. This is especially important if you feel your communication has broken down.  Yes I know all you want to do is to talk about the issues and maybe the pain you're feeling. But if you do this continuously then there's a good chance your partner will close down and withdraw.  They'll then begin avoiding any close chats.  Why because they'll start seeing 'close chats' as painful … [Read more...]