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Divorce the story and marry the truth

When a couple is in crisis and both are suffering it is easy to create a story which justifies their feelings.  However is the story true or false? From where they are currently the pain is undoubtedly true.  The problem is if the story is fairly rigid then escaping the pain can seem impossible. Blame your partner and the story can't change When a person is in pain blame is, all too frequently, the easy option.  There is a problem with this approach as now this person is stuck.  The story … [Read more...]

Dealing with your own inner conflict

If you don't feel good about what you're doing or the way you're doing it then the chances are you're in conflict with yourself. Blaming those around you won't actually solve the problem.  You see if you do you've abdicated your responsibility for the situation.  I know that sounds tough, but it is said from a place of understanding and is not judgemental.  Everyone has times of conflict when it seems impossible to make the right decision or to sort out the issues.  Understanding how to … [Read more...]

Why do people cheat?

Why is it that a relationship or marriage which started out with such hope and love falls apart?  Why is it one or other of you cheats?  What do I mean by cheating? Before I answer these questions I want it to be absolutely clear.  Having an affair is never the answer. Now to those questions.  I will answer them in order. Why do relationships fall apart? For men and women the answer is often very different.   However, the deep rooted cause is to do with meeting our needs.  If our needs … [Read more...]

An affair does not have to signal the end

When someone has an affair the result can be devastating for the other partner.  This couple were in turmoil.  The emotions were raw and their future together looked bleak at best. This is how they now view their relationship and future after working with me over several months.  Their journey to where they are now was tough at times but they worked through their pain and confusion and now have a golden future ahead of them.  They now understand what happened and why.  They are armed with the … [Read more...]

Affairs don’t just happen for no reason

An affair doesn't just happen.  An affair happens for a reason. By the way - when things are going wrong an affair is not the answer to solving the problems. So why do affairs happen?  There are masses of reasons.  But deep down it's highly likely that the person's needs are not being met in a way that they need them to be met. The sex may still be great - or not.  But if day-to-day life with their partner is not giving them what they need then an affair becomes a possibility. Suddenly … [Read more...]