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Relationship Tip: Give What They Need

Many couples I see tell me they are unable to give love to each other. However they still have feelings for each other.  They’ve developed patterns of behaviour which neither likes.

The couple have created a stalemate. Neither is prepared to give until they see some effort by their partner.  But by doing this they are now withholding the emotion they are want and not living by what they believe in.

I understand this.  It’s very hard to give when you feel you’ve been doing all the giving in the past and it got you nowhere.

The question I want to pose to you is: Do you love your partner enough to find out what they need from you and then to meet that need?

By this I mean are you prepared to give without any expectation of anything in return?

Give because it is who you are

A relationship which is on the rocks is a horrid and scary place to be.  You feel unloved, hurt, abandoned and maybe all you want to do is protect yourself, or hide.  This, of course, is a ‘safe’ place to be but isn’t going to change things.

Withholding is also not going to help.  I know you’re probably thinking – why should I give when I’ve been hurt or ignored so much. Well that largely depends on what you want.

If you want your marriage not only to survive, but thrive, then action is really your only option.  However it needs to be the right sort of action. Action that is going to give them what they need in the way they need it.

Many individuals I see in this situation say “But I gave everything”.  You may well believe that but my response to this is

“I am sure you did.  But you gave everything except what THEY needed”

The type of action you take at this stage is critical.  The wrong type of action will only make matters worse.  So learning the skills and how to take action from a place of honesty and responsibility is key here.  No other type of action will work.

Helping couples with this is what I do for a living.  What you will learn – step-by-step – are skills and understandings.  These skills are life changing.  Not just for your relationship but for you as an individual.

Couples who succeed long-term with each other have learnt to make giving love and understanding more important than ‘being right’.  After all it’s what connects us at a deep emotional level to each other.