The reach doesn’t have to outstretch your grasp

Many couples I see in my sessions do not know how to reach each other and create that connection where both feel safe and secure emotionally.

From the men I frequently pick up they feel their woman is beyond their grasp.

They have no idea how to respond to what seems to them to be contradictory behaviours.  They believe they’ve done everything to make their relationship work but nothing works!

All they appear to have ended up with are arguments that go round and round and get nowhere.  Or a relationship which lacks the passion they had when they first met.

Many feel their partner is beyond their grasp

For women they can’t understand how their man seems to be emotionally lacking.  They believe they’ve done everything –  in their book  – to tell him how they feel only to be left feeling misunderstood and unheard.  Emotionally lost.

Many feel their partner is beyond their grasp

The problem is both are grasping at the problem rather than what has caused the problem.  Men and women are different.  Not only biologically but also in the way they communicate.  Men and women have different language styles.

This can open a whole ‘can of worms’ as each tries to be understood using their language style. Which is NOT the style of the other!  They are each reaching for the other but not in a way the other understands.

This is a massive challenge for both of them.  Each builds resentments and starts to blame the other…….

You’re cold
You don’t understand me
You don’t appreciate me
You’re behaving like a child…….

The list is a long one – for many, many couples.

When couples come to my sessions I do not encourage them to re-enact past arguments or quarrels.  All this does is reignite the old resentments and emotions attached to those events.

With me they learn the steps they need to understand each other and how to communicate using each other’s language styles.  Only when this has been mastered will they discover how to reach each other and to create the connection they both need.