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Not all relationships can be saved

Here I am working as a Relationship and Marriage Coach and I’ve just announced not all relationships can be saved.  Of course this is true.  Some relationships should not be saved and cannot be saved.  No relationship should be saved just for the sake of saving it. This will not work long-term and may not be in the interests of either partner or the children in that relationship.

Most couples believe, quite rightly,  that a marriage – or relationship – should be full of mutual understanding, love, passion, fun, excitement, adventure and security.  To be with that person in your life who knows and understands you come what may.  They start out on their life together with this view and then discover, bit-by-bit, that life isn’t actually delivering on their belief.

Slowly they find that their belief on how life should be is not matching the reality of how life actually IS.  Communication isn’t working the way it used to and they decide it is because their partner no longer cares or loves them. This hurts and so they start to withdraw to protect themselves from the pain.  For many the suffering is so intense they start to numb themselves from all emotion.

In this emotional state the possibility of leaving the relationship becomes incredibly attractive.  The future looks much nicer away from the person they perceive is causing them the pain and suffering they are experiencing.

So let’s say this person ‘throws in the towel’ and leaves the marriage.

Now let us fast forward a few years.  How is this person now?

Well broadly there are four possible outcomes.

  1. They have discovered that leaving the marriage was the best thing they ever did and are now happy in a new relationship which is meeting all their needs
  2. They are in a new relationship which is now giving them very similar problems to the ones they had before
  3. They massively regret what they did and realise they made the greatest mistake of their life
  4. Having run from their marriage they decide that they will never let themselves be hurt again so live alone having blocked out love

My job is to help couples make the right informed choice on their relationship, by ensuring they have all the information they need to make that decision.

By learning why your marriage is not working and why and how to understand each other at a deeper level you then learn how to resolve issues in a way that works for both of you.  This will give you both growth – even if that means growing apart.

Without the true facts no one can make an honest and true decision for themselves. 

So many couples end a relationship based on assumptions.  Assumptions are created by the meanings we give life events.

Armed with the TRUTH the outcome can be very different from what the couple initially believed.

Relationship Saved