Nature designed us to be different

Clearly, biologically we know that nature designed us to be different! This is not the subject of this post.

Nature and evolution has also designed our needs to be different too.

Today society is teaching us that our needs are the same. This is not true. This failure to understand this has led to divorce rates soaring.

Yes it is totally right that women can now do any job they want and can command a salary the same as, or in some cases in excess of, their male counterparts. They should be treated equally and respected equally.  Again this is not what I’m talking about here.

Women today can fall into the trap of deciding they don’t need men. We can even have babies without the actual physical presence of a man.  But we can feel isolated as a result.  We can feel ‘something is missing’ in the overall scheme of things.

Nature has a way of being heard

Within a relationship men and women have different needs and different ways those needs should be met.  To keep passion and intimacy alive we have to be different.

If a woman, being true to her feminine self, is not getting her needs met by her partner then she will change and create a version of herself where she meets those needs for herself.

Now she begins to question what her partner is for. This can result in her partner attempting to please her – or become a “pleaser”. By doing this he will also have to create a different version of himself. Now both of them are living in distorted versions of who they truly are.

From here they now look upon the relationship with fear. Fear then creates a protection mechanism as both are searching for safety. They look at the relationship and find it lacks the safety they need. They each feel misunderstood and have no idea how to fix the problems.

One or both will now blame the other or the relationship, when it is not the relationship, per se, which is the cause. The issues they see are symptoms of the behaviours they have both created to keep themselves safe.

Question yourself

Without learning and understanding what you’ve each contributed to the new dynamic you cannot know if you could have a close passionate connection or not.

Add in the fact that now divorce does not hold the stigma of the past and the route out can seem very attractive.

Many take this route only to make the same mistakes again

The headlong rush to ensure the sexes are treated equally and the same in the larger world has overlooked the needs of both men and women and the reasons those needs are different.

We have to be different if we want close passionate connections.

Our need to be loved is inbuilt. How that need is met is not only unique to each and everyone of us it is also fundamentally different for men and women.

Learn how to reconnect

Without learning how to reconnect with our true identities, the divorce rates will continue to rise and a great deal of heartache will be experienced by a large number of couples. Many children end up living in one parent families.

We all need to learn how to be who we are meant to be.  We also need to learn to recognise the signs in each other when things aren’t right.  Men and women demonstrate this differently.

This doesn’t mean we can’t work and interact with the wider community in all the amazing ways we do today.  It means we do so from a place of authenticity.  Where we understand the emotional differences between men and women.  Where we appreciate and enjoy those differences because they each have their unique strengths.

Getting back what nature intended

I do a great deal of work with couples to help them recreate the polarity they have within them.  Couples learn how to feel safe together and also to be free to be who they were designed to be.

You will know when you’ve got it back! So will your partner!