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Marriage Crisis – is it really too late

I’m frequently told by one partner that the problems are unsolvable and their marriage crisis is now too late to save.

But is it?

No two people in an unhappy relationship will see the problems in the same way.  Frequently one partner has been feeling unhappy for longer than the other.  To avoid further pain this person may have closed down their emotions and is now feeling emotionally numb.

My work with them is to find out how they reached this point.  Often what I am told initially isn’t the root cause of the problem but a symptom of what’s happened historically in the past.

For a woman it is important she feels heard and understood emotionally. If this hasn’t been the case for a long period of time she will go from frustration – to anger – and then to ‘close down’.  Now she’s in a place where she is existing rather than being her.  From this place it is hard for her to believe anything can change.  For her husband this is a minefield of what he sees as mis-information which he is at a loss to understand – until he learns.

For a man it is important he knows how to connect with her so he fulfils her need for emotional protection and so meet his need for success.  I help women how to understand their husband’s inbuilt need to feel successful – and how that need needs to be met.

So often I’m told by the man that he’s given her everything and it’s never enough.  He feels last in the ‘pecking order’ at home and all he gets back is either anger or indifference.  Only to be told by the woman that he “just doesn’t get it!”

In my sessions couples work with me to learn how to meet the deep needs each has and how to become responsible for helping each other meet those needs – in the way each of them need to be met.

Marriage Crisis – is it too late?

For some – yes. But for so many the answer is NO.  It will be a Yes if the couple continue to do what they’ve always done.  It has a high chance of being a NO for those couples who are willing to learn how to understand each other at a deeper level and discover the joy of that understanding and new connection which, in many cases, is better than anything they ever had before.

Being in a Marriage in Crisis is a horrible place to be.  Before it is too late give yourself the gift of finding out what you both can do to come out of crisis.