Marriage Counselling: Put your Partner First

So what do I mean by “Put Your Partner First”?  To couples in crisis this can sound daunting and completely alien to how you are feeling right now.

If your partner does not feel they are important to you then they will seek that need elsewhere.


One of basic needs in life is to feel we matter.  In a relationship this is incredibly important.  If we do not feel we are the most important person in our partner’s life then we won’t feel special.

If this need is not met in the relationship then over time the person will seek that need through other activities.  Activities such as work or hobbies.  The person won’t set out with this intention.  But this basic human need – the need to feel special – will cause the person to be sub-consciously ‘hunting’ for that need to be met away from their relationship and eventually they will meet it.

Work can become the focus.  A hobby can become all consuming outside work.  Someone within those environments can become significant.

Don’t get me wrong people can be devoted to their work or hobby but as long as they feel and know they are special at home then they won’t feel the need to stray.

Put your Partner First

Make sure they know how special they are to you.  Make sure that you put them first in your life.  And by first I also mean before the children.  If your partner feels the children are more important to you then they are then they aren’t going to feel that special or loved.

For women this can come as a shock.  I have been told numerous times that the children are their number one focus.  Great for the children (though actually this isn’t the case) but how on earth does that make their husband feel.  From this place he can easily create a feeling that he doesn’t matter and is only there to provide.   In fact in this day and age, when women are working and are frequently equal breadwinners,  he isn’t even needed for that!  So men can easily wonder what they are for.

Men you need to understand this too.  By putting your partner first you are not to become a pleaser. The last thing she needs is another child in the home.  Running around doing chores won’t win you the feelings you both need to create.  She needs to know you are there for her emotionally – even when she’s sounding as though she doesn’t want you!

Learn how to put your partner first

It is essential you learn this skill.

This is just one of the skills I teach couples in my sessions.

If you would like to learn how and why this is important then please get in contact.