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Many Couples Fail to Understand The Truth Behind the Pain

Many couples in crisis, I see have failed to understand the truth behind the pain they’re experiencing.

Where are you today?

We all create perceptions on what we believe.  These perceptions are based on what has happened in the past and how we perceive the future will be.

The feelings we give ourselves feel real but so often they may not be true.  So you may have created a belief for yourself which has no foundation.  Unless you take time to really find out the truth you could make a really bad decision.  One that will ultimately not give you the future you want.

Do you know what makes you tick?

All of us have a base structure we have created for ourselves over the years which is created with the foundation blocks of how we see the world, our needs and values and how these need to be met to ensure we move towards pleasure and away from pain.  When we feel scared or angry, insecure or hurt it’s a sign that our values and needs are not being met in the way we believe they need to be met.  Unless you understand what you need and you take time to consider if these needs are achievable and – in many cases – actually what you need rather than what you think you need then no-one else can truly make you happy.

If you don’t know then you will become frustrated, angry, irritated, annoyed and this will then trigger a feeling of being misunderstood and unloved.  To avoid pain many will now shut down to avoid further feelings of pain.  Now there is no closeness. No love.

The cost of not understanding the truth behind the pain

The cost of divorce is emotionally and financially much greater than most couples believe.  Many break up their marriage from a place of fear rather than a place of truth and calm understanding.  Many regret their decision.

To all couples who come to my sessions all I ask is they keep an open mind to what they may learn and discover. That they take the time to really understand themselves and each other.  To take the time to learn how they can become more of who they are supposed to be rather than the version of themselves they have created to avoid their current pain – which may not be who they would truly love to be. To discover that they can become the person who is loved and supported by their partner in the way they need and who understands them so well that they can be themselves and still be loved unconditionally.

From this place of understanding trust is restored and with that a knowledge that no matter what the future throws at them they are part of a team which will know how to come through and be successful.