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I am at a loss to know how to make my partner happy

I see many couples in my sessions where one or both of them tell me they don’t know how to make their partner happy.

They still care deeply for each other but they are failing to connect.

I hear the statement “I’ve done everything I can….” incredibly often.

My response to them is “I am sure you have. But maybe you’ve missed the thing that worked“.

Each of us has a unique set of needs and a unique way for those needs to be met.  Unless we are aware of those needs at a conscious level and are clear how we need our needs to be met then we won’t feel fulfilled and happy and be able to communicate to our partner what we need from them.

Your partner can easily assume your needs are the same as theirs

This is highly unlikely to be the case.

We form our needs as we grow up. They become part of who we are and so function on a sub-conscious level. We don’t think about them. We just don’t feel right when they’re not being met.

Often it can be even more complicated as a person can have created a need that is actually impossible for anyone to meet as the need and the way it needs to be met carries a whole host of restrictions and requirements. So regardless of what they do or who they are with they are always searching for more. In extreme cases this could be leaving one relationship for another as soon as something (often quite arbitrary) doesn’t go the way they want.

The search for that missing ‘something’ can consume some people throughout their life.  Friends and family can watch on the side-lines as the person leaves a good relationship, changes jobs, hops from one relationship to another, tries out various hobbies…….  the list is endless!

This individual can be on an almost relentless search for ‘perfection’ and of course perfection doesn’t exist.  It would be boring if it did.  Someone in this place often blames those around them for not ‘coming up to their expectations’ or for ‘letting them down’, but if they are living with conflicting needs or don’t actually know why they need then those around them can’t help.

Make your partner happy by learning how to meet their needs

It is vital in a relationship that both individuals discover what their real needs are and then to learn how to meet each other’s needs in the way they each need them to be met.

If your relationship is suffering then it is important to find out why. It may not be for the reasons you currently believe.

Learning how to meet each other’s needs is one of the skills I teach and help my clients practise and perfect. This brings a closer understanding and connection.

If you would like to learn how to do this then get in touch.