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Intimacy dies over time – fact or fiction?

Many people believe that intimacy dies over time.  My question is who told you?  Yes, it can die over time – but it doesn’t have to.

Time is not necessarily the issue.  It’s how your dynamic with your partner has changed from when you first met.  This is the responsibility of both of you.

Time and again I hear from couples who seek my help that they have become friends rather than lovers.  The sexual connection has died and one or both feel they are now living with their best friend.

Some couples will seek advice from a sex therapist, only to find nothing improves.

The problems many couples are experiencing can frequently be found in the day-to-day connections they have with each other.

What women need

In the main, women need to feel heard and understood to enable them to feel safe in their closeness with their partner so that intimacy can flourish.

For a woman, this is an essential part.  To enable her to feel feminine a woman needs to feel secure emotionally.  She needs to feel heard and she needs to experience polarity with her man to create the spark where sex becomes something she desires.

Many men fail to understand this concept as they have no clue what it’s like to be a woman – why would they!  They have never experienced that myriad of thoughts flying through their mind all fighting for attention and focus.  For a woman to release herself from all this she needs to feel emotionally understood.

A man’s mind works differently.  His ability to laser focus on one thing at a time is essential for survival.  So, ladies, it’s highly likely he just doesn’t know that your mind is working differently. When he appears uncaring and cold it may be he doesn’t know what to do to reach you.

Men want to fix

Men are ‘designed’ to fix (again I say this in general).  They want to be able to solve.  Solving makes them feel great.  Having solved they want to express that feeling of success in intimacy.  This is great if their partner feels safe.  Not so good if their partner is left feeling misunderstood and ignored or dismissed.

Men and women have different requirements for intimacy to flourish

In my sessions, I work with couples so they learn and appreciate their different dynamics and how these are a strength in each of them.  What each of them needs and how those needs must be met for each of them.  Once this is understood they are now in a position to work on a future which will keep that connection in place.

For intimacy to flourish for both of you,  it is vital to understand how your minds work and how to keep that all-important dynamic between you.

So if this is you and you are feeling that you have become friends rather than lovers, that the sexual connection with your partner has died for good, it may not be the case at all.  It has gone into hiding for a reason, and the reason may not be clear.  It may be worth finding out before you decide on other options.