How do you deal with the aftermath of a difference of opinion

How you deal with the aftermath of a difference of opinion – or argument  – will have a major effect on the state of your relationship.

If arguments never seem to get anywhere or become more and more frequent then you need to find out why.  Solving your issues may seem impossible.  They probably are unless you understand what you are both doing to create them. And what you are not doing to solve them.

You see men and women work differently.  They think differently.  The act differently.

Understanding this is fundamental to solving an argument.  That and knowing how you as an individual works and what your needs are.

When rational thought disappears!

When everything in the garden is rosy we can all behave like rational thinking human beings but when something flares rationality flies out of the window, we see ‘red’ and then say and do things that under normal calm situations we’d never ever do.

Criticism can take over

No one likes to be criticized or put down, patronised or treated with sarcasm.   The problem is that when someone is angry, hurt, resentful or feeling unloved then past behaviours  within them will come to the surface and take over.   Now normal behaviour has disappeared and the person you loved has either turned into a wildcat or a raging bull or some other form which you don’t recognise.

Attaching meanings to events

We also attach meanings to events.  So for instance when you both met and fell in love you both felt great, your relationship was on a high, the world around you seemed fantastic (even if you had issues in other areas of your life – you felt you could win through).

Then when life became OK, you both felt OK, your relationship was OK and life, maybe, was OK around you.

Then something happened.  A financial crisis, a death in the family, an accident………..

Now one or both of you are dealing with a real shift in feelings.  If one of you doesn’t see or understand the problem then the one who is suffering can feel ignored and hurt.  Suggesting to him or her that they ‘get over it’ will not help and can result in both of you feeling resentful and misunderstood.

Now instead of feeling great every time you see your partner, one or both of you can start attaching negative feelings to the relationship.  You start to blame the relationship for the way you feel. Why doesn’t he or she understand what I’m going through.

Communication breaks down and blame starts to take over.  Resentments get stacked.  Life is now no longer fun.

So if this is you what I’d like you to consider and know today is this.

Arguments happen – they always will

But you can become better at them so they don’t destroy but they allow you to grow.

Argument Action:

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes.  Look at their world from their eyes – not your own.  This requires you to stop being judgemental.  This requires you to stop attacking, rolling your eyes, being sarcastic about their efforts or condescending – whatever it is you do  – it requires you to take a more understanding line.

This is just step one.  There’s more……

Find out more:

If this post has resonated with you and you want to learn how to create a closer connection with your partner then please contact me.