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Have you learnt what to give

Time and again I see couples in crisis who haven’t learnt how to give what each other needs.

Each believes they are a giver.  And by and large they are.  Many give with love and all it seems to have do is destroy their bond and their relationship.

So why is the marriage failing.  Why are each of them so unhappy?

Well unless you have found out what the other needs and given that you are going to have problems.

Ask yourself:

Am I giving what I want to receive?  Or am I giving what they need to receive?

Each of us have different needs and the way those needs need to be met.  Unless you have found out what and how you could be doing a lot of giving which is falling on ‘stony ground’ because it’s not what your partner needs.

If you give to meet your need to give, or what you want, then you may be misunderstood and mistrusted.

Giving is an unselfish act

Giving has to come from the heart not as a means to get what you want.  If your partner believes you are only giving to create a trade then they won’t feel loved or special.  What do I mean?

If you give love on the condition it is given back then that is a trade.  If you take time to find out what your partner needs and give that without conditions that will be felt and he or she will know it is genuine.

Do you really know what your needs are?

So many couples in crisis have no idea what they actually need. They do know they aren’t getting what they need but find it difficult to articulate what they do.

Many create behaviours to get attention from each other.  These behaviours are frequently destructive and each can demand something from the other, that in times of happiness would never have occurred to them – or they would have wanted.

No wonder they feel stuck and have no idea what to do next.

Divorce or separation seems the only logical next step. When actually becoming curious about what they have done to each other can bring about a complete change in their relationship and new options materialise.

How do you solve this?

This is hard to do on your own from a place of misery and distrust.

If you would like to find out more.  Become curious and get in contact before it’s too late.