Focus on your partner to get what you want

If you focus solely on what you want out of your relationship and, more to the point, what you are not getting, then there’s a high probability that your relationship will suffer.

A person in this place can fall into the trap of ‘hunting for negatives’. What do I mean by that?

Are you watching and focusing on what your partner says or does in order to spot failure.  In this place it is all too easy to turn any action or communication into a negative.  Why?  Because you are focusing on what you need  – or in fact what you don’t want – rather than on what they need.

Men and women communicate very differently.  So something logical and clear said by a man can be interpreted by a woman as failure or criticism. Something said by a woman which is crystal clear to her can be very confusing to him.   The opportunities for misunderstanding or misinterpretation are huge.

From this place you will focus on pain, hurt or confusion.  Easy to assume your partner is either criticizing you or wanting to hurt you.

This could be far from the case.


If you feel you’re punishing your partner then you only have to look at them to see how well and positively they are reacting to this approach.  It is very rare to come across anyone who feels more love for the person who is punishing them or ticking them off.

If you are both are doing this then the relationship will suffer.


By focusing on yourself are you judging your partner?  If you are then my question to you is – Who are you to judge?  No one is qualified to judge another.  You haven’t lived their life, you don’t know how they feel.

If you are both doing this then the relationship will suffer.


Learn to love and understand your differences and why they are important to you both and for your relationship.

You both have wonderful gifts to give each other – they’re still there. The chances are they’ve just gone into hiding and need to find a route back.