Don’t run until you have all the facts

When someone sees their future as unhappy or hopeless then the solution to end their relationship may feel like the only option. However life-altering decisions made or taken when a person is suffering can frequently be bad.

Maybe not right away.  Maybe not in a matter of weeks or months  but so often years later a person can look back and regret a decision or action they took which changed their life dramatically and ultimately not for the better.  They often find that the problem they thought they’d left behind is still haunting them. That the same issues have come back, albeit in different circumstances and now they are back wondering if they should make another shift or escape.

So how do you know if you’re making a decision with all the facts?

The answer is if you make a life-changing  decision when you feel fearful, guilty, hurt, angry, confused……… then there’s a strong likelihood that the ‘flight or fight’ part of you is running you. When this is happening that part of your brain takes charge so it can protect you.  Which of course, is important.   It’s what’s kept the human race alive.  Historically it kept us from being eaten by predators. However we are now living in a society where this requirement is, for most, non-existent.

So how do you make the right decision when you are scared?

Well to start with it’s worth investigating why you want to make a change and what that change will give you.  You see there will always be something you will lose by making a big change.

Yes you will lose the pain, the anger, the hurt and lots of other things.  But what else will you lose?  It’s vital that you also investigate the good things that will go.   There will be some.

If there is nothing good about your current situation then making a big, life-altering change may be the right thing to do.  For instance physical abuse.

Ask yourself first

  • What have I done to contribute to my current problem?
  • Is there anything I could have done differently to have avoided my current problem?
  • What other ways are there for resolving my current problem?
  • What am I going to lose my making this change?

Find out the Facts

So often in life we believe we have all the facts. We think we know all the answers.  However a relationship involves two people. Sometimes these two people should not be together. However from the work I do with couples so many find they have spent months or even years misunderstanding each other and so losing the connection they crave. By learning the real facts and using new strategies to help each other their connection is rebuilt. Frequently better than ever before.