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Couples who keep their relationship alive do this

Couples who keep their relationship alive long-term have discovered some essential behaviours which ensure they use constantly.

This week I have decided to share a few of them so you too can start improving your relationship.

When an emotionally negative issue arises rather than assume they have understood their partner they take some of the following steps: They…..

  1. Find out if what they have interpreted is what their partner meant
  2. Don’t criticise
  3. Never judge
  4. Listen to learn

So let’s take a deeper look at each of the above

Interpret

It is very easy to decide that what we heard to what our partner meant!  Let me give you an example.  A husband might come home from work and seeing his wife rushed off her feet say “Shall I empty the washing machine?” His wife could easily interpret this as having failed in a task he was expecting to her perform and so decide he is getting at her.  She will now, possibly, feel she has failed, or just angry so she turns on him and snaps.  When actually all he wanted to do was help.  There is a high possibility that the offer was genuine but she interpreted his proposal incorrectly.

Criticism

Criticism is very easy to give and never great to receive.  I have yet to meet anyone who feels much joy at being criticised!  Find a different way to communicate.  How many of us have been in an appraisal at work and had to face criticism. It doesn’t matter how cleverly it is couched around other successes, the only thing people remember when they escape is the bit where they were ‘ticked off’.   So doing this at home, in your relationship, is never going to make matters better.

Judgement

Who are any of us to judge.  You can’t judge your partner just because they are not you.  Relationships are not about judgement and can’t be if you want your relationship to thrive.  If you start judging your partner they may well start judging you.  Remember the only person who has lived your life is you and so you are the only one who can judge you.  If you stick to this philosophy then you can’t judge your partner.

Listen to Learn

It’s almost automatic that when we listen part of our brain ‘plans our response’.  Listening to learn is a skill.  It is so important to learn how to really listen and by that I mean learn to understand from the other person’s point of view.  Used in conjunction with the other skills above makes a massive difference.

Your Future Relationship

These are just some of the skills I teach when couples come to me for help.  There are more.

If your relationship is in trouble now is the time to take action.  The window for change is often much smaller than you think.  If you would like to learn more then contact me on the number above ……  before it’s too late.

Make your Relationship the most important aspect of your life.