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Couples in Crisis

A common problem I see in couples who come to me for coaching is they’ve lost sight of who they are.  They are no longer living in their true identity.  The opposites that attracted them in the first place.

If an individual loses touch with who they are then the relationship they have with their partner will change.

Signs that all is not well are changes in behaviour.  A person who becomes withdrawn or aggressive.  An individual who becomes very demanding or alternatively a pleaser.

I will give you an example.  A couple came to me in serious trouble.  She was longing to be loved in the way she wanted to be loved.  She was very, very angry with her husband and continually attempted to hijack their initial session to point out his failings.  He told me how confused he felt as he had responded to her demands to help her around the house but this seemed to make her even crosser.  He felt he was a good provider for her and their children and hated her criticism and continual lectures.  To cope with the onslaught he had either argued with her or withdrawn into his work.

She felt a failure.  Her love for him was still there but she hated who they had both become.  She remembered the strong man she had fallen in love with who had protected and cared for her and was confused by the man she now lived with.  She believed by pointing out his perceived failings he would change.  The stronger and more demanding she became the more she disliked herself and him.  However she also believed she had no choice and admitted she rather liked being controlling.

He wasn’t sure what he was for any more.  He remembered the lovely bubbly fun woman who he had been so attracted to who now seemed to have vanished. When he did attempt to ‘stand his ground’ she would sulk for days.  He also disliked this new version of himself.

Learn how to get back to your true identity

Over the next few weeks I saw them separately as I helped them reconnect with their true identities.  With the knowledge they gained they began to see a new future.  One which gave each of them what they needed.  They reconnected with their individual strengths.  Once they had done this they rediscovered their connection and passion returned.

Couples who come to my sessions learn and practice how to re-create the polarity.  With this comes an amazing lifting of the burden of being in the wrong place within their core.  Once this happens new energy is released and a new future emerges – one that meets both their needs from a place where they are both being true to their identities.