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Many couples fail to understand each other

Many couples fail to understand each other’s language patterns and styles and as a result, fall into a trap.

Couples and individuals, who attend sessions with me, are failing to communicate in a way the other understands.  Some believe they are communicating well but are actually misinterpreting each other’s requests to connect.  This disconnection is scary and one or both of you can feel isolated.

By failing to understand each other you can create a belief that your relationship has failed.  This is the trap as you can now decide you are incompatible.

This belief can push couples towards separation and divorce when, in reality, a few sessions of learning how to understand each other and to interpret each other’s requests correctly, could change this dynamic completely.

Understand your partner and you both will feel safer

We all have our own unique way of interpreting the meanings of what someone is saying.  However one of the big problems many couples experience is not understanding that men and women communicate very differently.

What can for a man seem to be loving and caring can, for a woman feel isolating and dismissive.  A woman can come across demanding to a man when actually it is her way of demonstrating love. No wonder both of them are confused.

It is vital to feel understood and heard by your partner.  If you don’t then, over time, you can close down and stop communicating.  In all likelihood, you will withdraw to keep yourself emotionally safe.  However, from this place of relatively personal ‘safety’ you will find it harder to connect with your partner.

So the ‘safety’ is an illusion as far as your relationship is concerned.  You may have inadvertently contributed to a self-fulfilling prophecy that your relationship is dying.

Discover how to understand your partner

A great deal of my work with couples revolves around helping them learn how to understand their partner and their partner’s communication style.  By learning this each individual can then communicate in a way that reaches their partner.  This is a two-way process and requires both to be open to understanding each other’s needs and how those needs need to be met.  For both of you to be open to being surprised by each other rather than assuming what they are saying is designed to hurt.

By learning to understand each other they are now on the road to creating a closer bond, a team and a safety-net unique to them.  This empowers both of them so in those times of conflict they can learn to react in new ways.

From this place, they learn those new tools to help each other, not only in the good times but importantly in those times of confusion and difficulty.  Rather than resort to arguments which escalate from irritation, frustration and fear they have the ability to listen and learn and help each other.

If this is you don’t let your marriage become a divorce statistic give yourself the chance to discover how to grow and create the marriage you want.  The one you both want.

Contact me now and get help before it’s too late.  I see couples 6 days a week at my consulting rooms in Buckinghamshire