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Mastering your reactions

Do you anticipate how your partner is going to react to something you need to say or do or do you actually wait to hear their response? Without consciously realising it we all anticipate how someone is going to react. This is based on previous behaviours and actions which we remember and so we can, without realising it, plan our exit or our strategy for getting what we want.  When a relationship is in crisis this can often exacerbate the problems rather than help. Some of the things I … [Read more...]

Do you know how to solve your problems?

Today I'm asking those who are suffering from relationship problems "Do you know how to solve them?" You see unless you understand what the problems really are then you can spend a lot of time fruitlessly going round and round trying to resolve the wrong things. If your partner has withdrawn emotionally then telling them you love them isn't something that's going to solve the problem.  For them love could well have died so now rather than feel closer they can feel worse and add guilt to … [Read more...]

Separation wasn’t working

They had separated 10 months earlier as life together had deteriorated to a point where both were very unhappy.  But now almost a year later the husband didn't feel any happier.  In fact he strongly believed their marriage still had a chance.  He wanted to find out where they had gone wrong and whether they could reconnect. During their first session it became clear that the wife was not of the same opinion.  She didn't engage in the session, hardly talking and holding back from … [Read more...]

Can our Broken Marriage be Saved?

I see couples with many different problems in my sessions.  Often they come to me in a last ditch attempt to find out if their broken marriage can be saved.  Frequently they have tried other forms of counselling before giving themselves one last shot. Most have lost sight of who they are and why they are with their spouse. As a result they are each focussing on their own particular needs and not those of their partner. This leads to endless arguments loss of … [Read more...]

What do you really want more of?

When relationships go wrong it can often be due to both partners failing to give what they want to receive.  I see this frequently with warring couples who have hurt each other so much in the past they have created and are living by some very destructive habits. Then they come to coaching.  Initially one partner can treat the other's attempts to give with massive contempt. Why did he/she wait this long to start behaving differently? How come they are wanting to change now? Why did it take … [Read more...]