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Build resentments and your relationship will die

When couples finally seek help they have frequently already built a stack of resentments against their partner. They arrive in my sessions with their list of resentments which they have each created for themselves over the months and years. These resentments have taken hold in their consciousness and now they are living a life they don't like. Build resentments and your relationship will die They have stopped being the people they are supposed to be.  The people they were when they first … [Read more...]

Are you playing roulette with your relationship?

Couples in relationship crisis often adopt a fingers-crossed approach to their issues.  This is playing roulette with their relationship as they are not taking any new action to resolve the issues and hoping the wheel of fortune will fall in place and the problems will miraculously vanish. So my question to you today is Are you playing roulette with your relationship? and if so Do you really believe that your issues will be resolved by doing what you have done in the past? You see … [Read more...]

Some problems can be fixed faster than you think

One of the issues couples in crisis have is they are unaware of real severity of their problems or what is causing them. Some problems are deeper than you think and some problems can be fixed faster than you think. I saw a couple recently who came to see me believing that their marriage was over but they wanted clarification that going their separate ways was the right thing for them to do. It became clear to me that although they had an amazing respect for each other they were … [Read more...]

Relationship Tip: Praise not Appraise

For today's post I want you to consider the following Relationship Tip Do you know how to Praise rather than Appraise? Appraise I am certain we can all connect with a time when we have had to endure the annual Work Appraisal.   Never mind how well we have done, somehow those responsible for us manage to include something in the past year that, in their eyes, we could have done better.  So regardless of all the other good stuff, we leave the appraisal interview with the information that we … [Read more...]

Divorce rates are rising. Why?

Statistics show that couples are divorcing in record numbers. Many factors are causing this, amongst them are: Longer life expectancy Divorce is no longer a stigma The 'throw-away' culture means people believe they should no longer have to solve issues.  If it's 'broken' then ditch it and start afresh However the actual losses should never be underestimated in the rush to create a 'new life' many will lose more than they ever expected Companionship Finances - greater … [Read more...]