Have you both taken responsibility for how you communicate?

Time and time again I am told by couples who come to me for help that they don't talk any more, and by that they actually mean they may talk but they are not reaching each other - they don't communicate.  One or both of them tells me they feel at a loss on how to be understood.  Some tell me they don't even feel heard by their partner. Communication is a complex field This may come as a big surprise to you.  Communication can be a minefield of misunderstanding.  Why? Well to start with men … [Read more...]

Will Coaching Save My Marriage?

In today's post I will address the question I am frequently asked:  "Will coaching save my marriage?" By the way this applies to any long-term relationship - not just those who are married. Rather than answer with a straight yes or no I will discuss this in more depth. Does coaching always bring a couple back together?  Not always.   It doesn't work if the couple being coached are not willing to explore and learn new behaviours. It won't work if the relationship is not supposed to … [Read more...]

The importance on NOT winning

In today's post I will look at the importance of not winning.  So what do I mean by that? So often in times of conflict in a relationship one partner makes winning their goal.  This objective can be so strong that the other ends up capitulating just to get some peace!  By the way this applies to both men and women. Over time this will have a very detrimental effect on the relationship. For the winner The "winner" can become: arrogant cold towards their partner a bully … [Read more...]

Beliefs are frequently built on feelings – this may not be knowledge

When a marriage or relationship is failing the two people involved are often not in the same place at the same time.  What do I mean by this?  Well one person may have decided they no longer love their partner, whilst the other is still feeling a strong emotional bond. For the one who is still feeling close they believe that the relationship can survive.  The one who believes the relationship is dead can now withdraw even more.  Why? Well there are many reasons.  A common one is they don't … [Read more...]

Your behaviours could be ruining your relationship

We all have behaviours which we have created and developed over the years by the experiences life has given us.  These probably started in childhood and added to over the years to where we are today. These behaviours will have been designed, without us really knowing, to, in some cases, protect us from issues or pain.  Others will have been created to give us what we believe we need or want. The problem is that some of these habits and beliefs is they may not be serving us in the best … [Read more...]