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What happens when your energy is focussed on avoiding pain

We are designed to avoid pain.  Therefore very often we focus our energy on this one important aspect of our lives.  Avoid pain whenever possible. The problem with this, within a relationship, is we forget about gaining pleasure. Many people in pain will do anything to avoid more.  This is … [Read more...]

Relationships can suffer when other areas of your life aren’t working

Relationships can suffer badly when you have problems in other areas of your life. Equally if your relationship is suffering then it can have a knock-on effect on your work or some other area of your life. If this is happening to you then it is worth exploring all possibilities before making a … [Read more...]

Before you head for the exit ……

Before you head for the exit and decide your relationship is dead be sure you are taking that decision from the right place. So what do I mean by that? Someone once said "A decision made from fear is always the wrong decision". Fear that: life won't change if you stay the other … [Read more...]

To admit you need help is a good thing

So many couples leave seeking help until it's almost too late. Frequently many don't want to admit to each other that they don't have the answers. We believe that we should be able to resolve our issues ourselves. This is all well and good if you can.  But what happens if you don't have the … [Read more...]

Create your driver to change

When I first meet a couple in trouble, in their first session with me, I am frequently told by one or both that "It's all the his/her fault" "I would never behave the way he/she has" "I would never do what he/she did" "He/she is never going to change so what's the point" "It's their way or no … [Read more...]