Before you head for the exit ……

Before you head for the exit and decide your relationship is dead be sure you are taking that decision from the right place.

So what do I mean by that?

Someone once said “A decision made from fear is always the wrong decision”.

Fear that:

  • life won’t change if you stay
  • the other person will never understand you
  • you can’t fix the issues
  • nothing will change…
  • There are many many more.

When life feels wrong the question of what to do next is probably one that occupies someone’s mind a great deal.

Exit feels like the only option

The problem is that a person in this place will, in all likelihood, carry on behaving and doing the things that actually have got them to this unhappy situation in the first place.

This person can withdraw and close down emotionally.  This will, of course, protect them.  Protect them from feeling hurt.  There is often a feeling of safety and security in doing this.

This can have crept up on them over months or, in so many cases, many years.  For couples this is the crisis developing.

One partner has often withdrawn and shut out the other.  This frequently causes the other to probe or nag in an attempt to find out what the problems are or, if they are feeling isolated, to start behaving in ways to draw attention to themselves – often behaviours which under happier circumstances would horrify them.   By the way this is very common and totally understandable, but rarely works.

Marriage in Crisis

Couples who come to see me learn how to understand each other at a deeper level and how to help each other in times of conflict and uncertainty so each feels safe to open up to the other and work through what’s bothering them.  They learn how to respect each other at times of disagreement.  They learn how to grow.

By practising the tools i give them they develop new behaviours which become second-nature and so give new possibilities and outcomes in the future.

After all if someone carries on doing what they did in the past the chances are they’ll carry on getting more of the same.  The same actions which put them in their current crisis.

Don’t let that be you.  You deserve better.  Your partner deserves better.  Your relationship deserves better.  If you have children they definitely deserve better.

Before you head for the trauma of breaking up all you’ve built and worked together to create give yourself the opportunity to learn how to have a great marriage.

So before you head for the exit give yourself and your marriage one last chance.  On average it takes between 10 and 12 sessions – I believe you owe yourself that chance.