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Are your beliefs and destructive behaviours leading you to divorce

There are many challenges couples face in times of crisis.  Many are linked to each believing their interpretataion is the truth and no other view is possible.  On top of this it is very common for each of them to have created a protection mechanism to survive.  This can include, withholding love,  defensiveness and justification, and destructive behaviours to keep themselves emotionally safe. Let me give you some examples My partner wants to hurt me Yes, they might say hurtful things … [Read more...]

You can’t make your partner change

So often I am contacted by someone who wants me to 'make their partner change'.    I can't do this!  And you can't make your partner change either. No-one can.  They are the only one who can do that. What I can do is help the individual find out their part in the crisis and then help them. This frequently has the result they desire. Why? Well if you change your behaviour and the way you respond to a difficult situation then your partner will very likely respond differently. By taking … [Read more...]

Successful couples are doing this

Why do some couples succeed and others fail?  This is a question I am frequently asked by couples in my sessions.  Here are some examples of what successful couples are doing. Successful couples are doing this..... They have: Learnt and then practised being open with each other.  Even in times of stress. Never assumed their interpretation of the situation and how they feel is the same as their partner's. Avoided blaming each other. Made giving love more important than being … [Read more...]

You can’t expect your partner to think the way you do

For today's post I want you to think about how you communicate with your partner.  You see your partner will not think the way you do.   They won't know how you think either. As a result they won't communicate the way you do.  Especially in times of stress.  We are all individuals and each and every one of us has our own way of communicating anxiety, stress and upsets. Some people will go quiet.  Others will shout.  Some will giggle nervously!  We are all different.  We have all learnt how to … [Read more...]

Coaching benefitted many areas of his life

Over the past few months I have been working with a young man coaching him through various emotional issues. His relationships were not giving him what he needed and his reliance on them meant he couldn't move forward and meet the goals he desired in several areas of his life. His dedication to the process we worked through and his determination to achieve what was there for him to grasp has been impressive. I have recently received this email from him: During my time with Linden we … [Read more...]