Are you aware of how you talk to yourself?

It is important to be aware of how you to talk to yourself.  So many people I see in my sessions have created a method of talking themselves which doesn’t serve them.  So what do I mean by that.

If you feed yourself negative words then you will experience negative emotions.

For example:

  • If you tell yourself life is a battle – then you will battle through your life.
  • If you tell yourself life is hard – then you will be ‘on alert’ to notice when it is.
  • If you tell yourself life is unfair – then you will collect instances when you believe you’ve been treated unfairly.

Couples in crisis become experts in this.

  • They blame their partner
  • Create arguments because they have already decided how their partner is going to respond
  • They only hear what’s missing from anything the other one says
  • They focus on the wrongs
  • They focus on themselves
  • They accuse their partner of a multitude of failures
  • The list goes on……….

The result of negative self-talk is negative emotion

Negative emotions will create a feeling that there is no future in their relationship.

The point is

Each of you has done this to yourself by focusing on you.

Now don’t get me wrong – I totally understand why.  In some cases it can feel like it is the only solution.  Maybe the real answer is to leave the relationship.  However before you ‘run’ I believe it’s worth finding out the real truth. Not the one created from a place of negative talk to yourself.  And that has to start with you.  By finding out and understanding yourself you will be better equipped to understand how you can break some of the habits you have created which aren’t serving you well.

Become aware of how you talk to yourself

This is one skill I teach my clients.

Then you are in a position to learn how to how you are heard by your partner and how you can then both help each other to understand each other.

Men and women communicate very differently so it’s important to learn and understand this.  How else will you be able to be of value to each other.

If you learn how to be of value to each other then you will feel successful.

Making a relationship great takes skill.  Skills I teach in my sessions.

Those couples who succeed are those who take the step to listen and learn and practice new ways of communication.

Often I begin by helping them to talk to themselves better.