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An emotional pattern created years ago may be influencing your relationship

We are all influenced by how we are brought up and how we decide to deal with what goes on around us.  We create emotional patterns to keep ourselves safe.

Let me give you an example

A child growing up without love will often struggle to find out how to love and to be loved.  This child will create behaviours to keep itself safe. This applies to both sexes.  It may decide to withdraw when problems arise.  It may decide to confront with anger and pent up emotion.  The list is long – we are all different.  However a pattern of behaviour will develop.  This pattern will serve this person through childhood and unless something happens to shift the pattern this can remain for their entire life.

So what happens when this person meets someone who cares for them.  The world suddenly opens up in front of them and they experience connection at a level they hadn’t experienced before.  All it now wonderful.  Until that is differences of opinion or other problems arise.  This person can – without knowing why – revert back into their childhood pattern of behaviour.  From this place solving the problem becomes highly unlikely.

It is emotionally draining and exhausting.  There seems no way out.  There often isn’t from this emotional place.

The way forward

The problem this person has is they haven’t discovered who they really are.  Free to be who they could or would want to be.  In a way they are handicapped by a behaviour which has long become outdated.  It is very hard to change a behaviour or to give up an emotional response without replacing it with something new.

My job, with many couples, is to help each individual to discover who they truly are.  To guide them to find for themselves the emotional states and patterns to empower them.  From this place they will then be in a strong place to view their relationship with new facts and information and tools to deal with life’s ‘rocks in the road’.