Affairs don’t just happen for no reason

coupleconflictAn affair doesn’t just happen.  An affair happens for a reason.

By the way – when things are going wrong an affair is not the answer to solving the problems.

So why do affairs happen?  There are masses of reasons.  But deep down it’s highly likely that the person’s needs are not being met in a way that they need them to be met.

The sex may still be great – or not.  But if day-to-day life with their partner is not giving them what they need then an affair becomes a possibility. Suddenly the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence and the person is open to approaches from elsewhere.

This applies to both men and women.

For men it may mean he no longer feels he can please his partner.  This is so important for a man.  He is conditioned to please and protect – both physically and emotionally, and if he no longer believe he can do this for his partner a feeling of failure will take over and with that the fear that he can’t be enough for her.  From this place his mind will start to protect him and then flight can become a realistic option.  By flight I mean running to the arms of another woman.

For women it can be a feeling of insecurity.  When she no longer believes her man will protect and care for her then she will start to protect herself.  Her masculine side will meet this need for protection.  This can easily take hold.  She can now see her partner as weak and incapable of being the man she needs him to be and so will turn to a man who can meet this need in her.

As I’ve said there are many reasons why people have affairs.  We cannot judge those who do – we aren’t living their lives so how can we.

What is important is to find out why the affair happened and what the couple can do to understand and meet each other’s needs in the future.

If you want to rescue your marriage from an affair  and put it on a new and better footing then get in touch for non-judgemental help.