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Partners who add value benefit each other

So what do I mean when I say you need to add value to each other

By adding to your partner’s experience of life and helping them achieve their goals then you bring something to your relationship rather than take.

So many couples I see have failed to create long-term goals for themselves as individuals or as a couple.  Rather they have adopted a ‘fingers crossed’ approach to their marriage and have no clear idea of what they both want for their futures.  They haven’t discussed and planned their life together.

Companies hire people who add value to their organisation

I imagine several years ago you had a plan for what you wanted to become or do in life and then set about learning the skills you needed to achieve your goal.

You probably haven’t stopped at stage one – getting a job – and then sat back and done nothing except the job you’ve been given.   If you are progressing it is because you add value.

Approach your relationship in the same way

So what about your marriage? Have you stopped at stage one – getting married?

Are you adding value to your marriage or are you sitting back and allowing life to potter along at whatever pace it’s chosen?  Do you even think about what you can do every day to keep this relationship growing?

Couples I see often talk about compromise.  Their view of how a relationship develops is frequently based on compromising and not much more.  Well, in my view, compromise comes from focusing on what each person sees they’re giving up rather than how they can add value.    If you spend your time focusing on what you want or what you believe you’ve given up, rather on how you can add value, then you’re missing out on growth.

How do you think your spouse feels about you if they believe you are compromising rather than what you can add?

Giving has to be the right sort of giving. If you are giving are you giving in the way your partner needs you to give?  Your purpose in a relationship is to give in the way your partner needs you to give.  To give consistently and to add value to their life.  If you focus on yourself then this can’t and won’t happen.  If you become valuable in their eyes and in their heart then compromise disappears and giving takes over.

When you give from your heart and truly mean it, then you give without expectation of anything in return.

When you add value because you believe in what you’re adding then you don’t expect anything in return. The reward for you is in adding the value.  It is not your responsibility to ask for reward – that is down to your partner.

Success in anything – be it your career, your hobbies, your relationship …….- happens and grows when you add value – either to those around you or to yourself.

When those around you, who matter, see and believe you are there for them,  they will start to feel special as a result. They will want more of the value you bring to their lives.

In a relationship if you both do this for each other and you do this consistently then instead of compromising and ‘giving in’ you’ll both be ‘fighting’ on working out how to do everything and in what order so you both meet each other’s needs.

Couples who come to my sessions learn how to do this for each other in the unique ways that they need.